If I Had Only Known By Reba

If I had only known
It was the last walk in the rain
Id keep you out for hours in the storm
I would hold your hand
Like a life line to my heart
Underneath the thunder wed be warm
If I had only known
It was our last walk in the rain

If I had only known
Id never hear your voice again
Id memorize each thing you ever said
And on those lonely nights
I could think of them once more
Keep your words alive inside my head
If I had only known
Id never hear your voice again

You were the treasure in my hand
You were the one who always stood beside me
So unaware I foolishly believed
That you would always be there
But then there came a day
And I turned my head and you slipped away

If I had only known
It was my last night by your side
Id pray a miracle would stop the dawn
And when youd smile at me
I would look into your eyes
And make sure you know my love
For you goes on and on
If I had only known
If I had only known
The love I wouldve shown
If I had only known

I heard this on the radio today when I woke up-felt like it was a dream. I started thinking about all the family I had lost in the last five years. I miss them all greatly during the holidays.

I miss Nanny Betty laughing and shooing all of the cousins out of the kitchen while the "grown ups" cooked. Then calling us all back in to help clean up. I miss all of the cousins laughing until our sides hurt while we work as a team racking up the leaves. It amazes me that not one person in our family felt like they didn't belong. Each person had a place-blood or not.

I miss my Uncle Miller walking through the door at my grandparents house Christmas day. His laugh was contagious-he brought a light to our holiday festivites. He always had a funny joke or a great story that kept us laughing long after Christmas. I miss the light that was in my grandparents eyes as they enjoyed each and everyone of us-crammed in their two bedroom apartment. It didn't matter that we didn't all have a place to sit or that they had the nicest of places. All that mattered was that we were together as a family.

I miss my Nana. From the time that I could drive, I would drive to her house to help with the Holiday Baking. We would laugh as she shared her infamous pie making techniques or the best recipes for fudge. I miss her Christmas decorations. They were always so breathtaking. She had a pink tree that was absolutley beautiful. One day I will have a tree in my house that is filled with pink ornaments and silver ribbon. In honor of Nana and in honor of her fight with breast cancer.

I miss Grandad. I miss how he would pull each of us girl cousins to sit on the arm of his recliner and would pull out his secret stash of York Peppermint patties. The day of his funeral, my cousin Kathryn and I found his stash and cried. I love the way that he would stay up with us for hours that night putting together our new toys. I miss his sweet tender voice as we sang Sunday mornings in church. He liked nothing more than to have his granddaughters around him singing the harmonies of the old fashioned hymns.

I miss being with each and everyone of these people. I miss the familiarity of having your family around you. I miss our big family gatherings that were filled with love and laughter.

If I had only known that the last holiday would of been my last, I think I would of cherished them a little more. I would of stayed longer on the side of Grandad's recliner. I wouldn't have been so rushed to go home after the Christmas baking was done. I would have hugged Nanny Betty longer as she said goodbye. I would of spent more time talking with my family and less time in the kitchen.

I cherish each and every moment with my family. I pray you can do the same. Sometimes I think we forget what the holidays are about: that is why I pray that through the posts on this blog that each and everyone of us will reevaluate the people in your life. Ask yourself "If I knew this was my last holiday with them, would I treat them differently?"