The Real World Post

To the Real World Friends out there,

Let's pretend we are sitting side by side, chatting up a storm, a gallon of Mint Chocolate Chip sits between us on the coffee table and we are eating it as fast as we can. Let's pretend that we have spent the whole day laughing and catching up and now our conversation has turned to the question, "How can I pray for you?" Because for some reason, on this hot summer evening, I miss my chicks and I could use a good heaping of your prayers. I miss the lengthy conversations over a gallon of our favorite ice cream, jumping from laughter to tears back to laughter again.

Things are so hectic in my world these days that I just want time to sit for awhile and do what I WANT TO DO. That is why last Saturday was so good for me. I needed my husband for a little bit without work obligations looming over my head. God knew that our life was about to take a turn so He provided time for us to just chill.

Our life has turned, no not really turned but tilted for a little bit. And in order for us not to completely fall head first onto the ground, we are clinging to each other and to our faith. We are trying, even though it is not easy, to take it one day at a time. Today I am sad, most days I take it all in stride but today, I am sad...it's a bad day.

Jeff went to the doctor last week for a few issues. He is having a colonoscopy done August 23 to check a few things out. Colon cancer runs in his family, in fact, his grandmother died of colon cancer. On a good day, I am totally confident that God will see us through no matter what happens. But on the bad days, I am scarred and find myself too afraid to pray to God. Because what if God does bring the worse? What would I do if I lost the best thing that has ever happened to me? Would I lose my faith? Would my faith grow? Would I be able to make it through? You see, I told you today was a bad day.

This past Sunday, our little group at church sang "You Raise Me Up," boy howdy, did I almost loose it. Especially after our sermon on "Not Our Plans But God's Plans." When I stood up their singing, I was so close to crying a puddle of tears that I had to close my eyes and just sing from my heart. I did not open them until the song was done, I would have lost it if I would have looked at my friends sitting in the audience. Even though most of them will find out about all of this after reading this post. Sorry peeps, I didn't want to talk about it until now.

I mean most days it doesn't even phase me. I mean I am walking by faith, right? Or I am just living in a state of denial? Why is it that some days we walk with total serenity with God while other days we worry with what God is about to do? I mean, I prayed this morning, I prayed this afternoon, in fact, I prayed without ceasing, but I still find myself in a helpless state of mind. Am I missing the big picture or does God have me right where I need to be? I lean toward the later.

"You raise me up so I can stand on mountains. You raise me up to walk on stormy seas. I am strong when I am on your shoulders. You raise me up, to more than I can be."

Oh Lord, I pray that it is true. I pray that the little "Tilt-A-World" ride you have for us will not leave us wanting to puke our guts out but leave us wanting more because it brings us that much closer to you in the end.

You see friends, this is the time where you would be assuring me that God is ultimately in control but that it is okay to cry. This is the time that you would grab my hand and say, "Let's pray this out." Man, do you remember the times that we have prayed together over the years? What a blessing you all have been to me! God knew what He was doing when He brought us all together. I may not be able to grab your hand tonight but I feel at peace. I know that I have the greatest group of friends who will actually stop their day and say a little pray for us. And I will pray for you too, I know that many of you have also been pushed on the "Tilt-A-World" ride as well.

Thanks for being a sounding board tonight, I love you all!