I have started this post off and on and can't seem to find the words to begin writing what is on my heart. I guess I will jump in with both feet.
After six months of infertility treatments we have now reached the stage where the doctor has said my body needs to rest. When I started the medication I had no idea what would happen but I never thought we come out of these past months without a bun in the oven. Last month I was almost nine days late. I didn't get my hopes up too much because I never got a positive pregnancy test. I told only one friend about the possibility that I was pregnant from the beginning. She suggested that I go see the doctor to get blood work after I the third "not pregnant" flashed on the stick. I did and as I was waiting that night for the results-I got my answer without even having to hear the doctor say "Not pregnant." (I tried not to be graphic for my handful of men readers)
Would you believe me if I told you that Jeff didn't even know that I was that late? Yes I kept that quiet this go round. But later when I told him about how my emotions were all over the place he grabbed me and said, "You are not in this alone. I am here." See why I love him to pieces? He also continues to tell me repeatedly how much he loves me and that he didn't marry me for kids. He married me because he couldn't imagine spending the rest of his life without me. Again, do you see why I love him?
A few months ago, I decided that I would no longer share this journey on the blog. I was afraid that I was starting to sound like Debbie Downer on SNL. But over the last two weeks, I have found a community of women in blog land who have or are going through the same journey. I have become a huge fan of Kelly's blog and cried like a baby when I read this post. That post sums up exactly how I am feeling today. And as many of you know, Psalms 37 is the verse I am clinging to right now. But by Kelly sharing her story in such a real way people are leaving comments about how their faith has changed and some have even said that they gave their life to Christ because of experiencing all the things God has done for them.
To me that in itself is the main reason I started this blog-to show God all the things He has been doing for us. I am not sure why I got away from that, maybe I lost myself a bit or maybe I was just too tired of talking about it all. And at this point, I don't know how much of those details I want to share anymore because that is really not where my focus is today. All I know is that over the past few weeks God has been tugging at my heart for me to start writing again and sharing a few things He has been showing me in scripture.
And that dear friends is me, jumping in with both feet.
God bless your journey-He is blessing mine daily!
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9 comments:
I've been more than blessed by everything you write. It's such a difficult balance choosing what to disclose to people (especially in blogland) about our respective journeys, so I respect whatever decision on which you settle. Still, knowing more about what you've been going through lets some of us know how to love on you, pray for you, and support you in times of celebration, impatience, or discouragement. Love ya, lady!
Thanks for sharing. I think you will bless ohers and be blessed more than you could imagine by sharing.
I appreciate you sharing. I think that blogging during and about one's struggles can be both cathartic for the writer and also extremely encouraging for the reader(s). I always appreciate your perspective, and I will be praying for you and continuing to read whatever you wish to share here. I firmly believe that God can be most glorified in our struggles and weaknesses, and that he is already bringing some good and perfect things out of this trial (for instance, the sweetness of Jeff's response and the love you both share as you experience this).
Thank you for your openness about a very sensitive and close to your heart subject. I pray that God is working to unfold a story for you that only He can write. I hope that doesn't sound trite.
you know I love you and I'm always praying for you... I'll be one of your prayer warriors here... love you and Jeff SO much... thank you for sharing your heart. ~ kim
You know I love you. You bless me in so many ways with your faith. Lean on me whenever you need me, ok?
Standing with you in prayer.
I know it must be hard to share, but as someone else said, it helps us to know what's going on and better be able to pray for you. I'm still hoping and praying! Love you!
I don't comment a lot, but I do keep you in my prayers along with a handful of close friends going through the same thing you are. Just wanted you to know that whether you share or not, I am praying for you regardless!
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