In fact, I can remember my grandmother telling me I need to eat more because I was "skinny as a rail." She worried that I was too thin.
In college, I didn't gain the "freshman ten". In fact, I didn't really know what the girls on my floor were really talking about. I could eat whatever, whenever I wanted and never gain a pound.
Two years after Jeff and I were married all of that started to change.
I didn't realize I was gaining weight until someone said to me, "Oh I can see you are a happily married woman."
I asked this person, "What do you mean by that?"
She tried to backtrack her statement rather quickly after she realized she may have crossed a line and said, "Nothing-I was just making a joke because you had put on a little weight, in a good way though."
I tried to ignore this person's comment and pretend like it really didn't bother me that I had gained a few pounds to where someone would notice. But the truth is, those words did hurt.
A year later, I started to take hormone shots to help with my endometriosis. One of the side of effects, that I did not know going into this was I would gain weight. I gained 40 pounds while taking these shots. Yes, 40 pounds in just a few weeks!
I was miserable. I stopped taking my picture after I saw my double chin, flabby arms and the rolls around my stomach. I became the photographer instead of the model. I started to starve myself in order to lose weight. This may come as a surprise to some of you but it's true. In fact, this is probably the first time I admitted it to anyone other than God that I was starving myself.
A little over a year ago, the weight was not coming off. It seemed like nothing was working even something as drastic as starving myself.
I believe that God often meets you where you are to help in time of need. He helped me by bringing friends into my life to walk alongside me as I began a healthy approach to loosing weight. I started eating 6 small meals a day, instead of one yogurt and then gorging myself at dinner. Each meal was well rounded and not huge portions. I started to walk more and just move more in general. By doing all of this I lost 13 pounds. And then I hit the wall. If you have been loosing weight you will understand what I mean. The technical term is I hit a plateau. I knew I needed help if I wanted to continue my healthy approach to loosing weight.
6 weeks ago, I joined Weight Watchers. I joined at the same time a few of my friends at church started WW too. We have all been a support system to each other as we continue to loose weight together. I thank God for these people who are walking alongside me.
I won't lie, I still struggle with how I look when I look in the mirror, I struggle with the number and I hate that I don't look like all those girls you see on television. I have realized in the 6 weeks doing weight watchers that I am too focused on the things listed above. I am really trying to retrain my thoughts about my weight. It is something that I have been praying about and I have asked the Lord to give me guidance in this new thought pattern. But it hasn't been easy.
Today before my WW meeting I was already feeling defeated. I just felt fat and truthfully I felt like skipping the weigh in all together because I knew I would feel horrible afterwards. I wake up to the radio in the morning, so the radio was still playing as I was getting dressed. The song "Fingerprints of God" by Steven Curtis Chapman started to play on the radio. I sat and listened to the words as the song played out. Click here to read them for yourself. As I was sitting down, I looked in the mirror and had a little heart to heart with God.
Let's just say that this song is my new theme song for this phase of my life.
Since my journey is still be played out, let me close with my favorite part of this song.
"Never has there been and never again Will there be another you
Fashioned by God's hand
And perfectly planned To be just who you are
And what He's been creating Since the first beat of your heart Is a living breathing priceless work of art..."
I pray that you too will remember the next time you look in the mirror that you are a priceless work of art in God's eyes.
God Bless Your Journey!
(thank you AJ for encouraging me to write this post today)
I pray that you too will remember the next time you look in the mirror that you are a priceless work of art in God's eyes.
God Bless Your Journey!
(thank you AJ for encouraging me to write this post today)
14 comments:
As I sit here I weigh 5lbs. more than I did 11 1/2 years ago hours before delivering my 2nd child. I swore at that moment I would never allow myself to weigh any more than that. Yet here I am today 5lbs. over.
On the flip side, the weight is more evenly distributed, my husband still loves and desires me, and God still loves me and has a plan for my life that is not dependent on a number on a scale.
How brave of you to share your struggles! Hang in there cuz. I am glad you have accountability who will encourage you and hold you to your goals. Isn't God just grand!? He loves me, even if I am WAY over what I thought I would weigh at this time of my life. He still loves me, every inch!
i know first hand about all of the weight stuff. i go up and down, up and down. as you get older, it's harder to take off! yuck! but good for you for joining weight watchers...it's always easier when you have a support team!!
good luck! take one day at a time. my poppie has something on his fridge that i always TRY to remember. it says "nothing tastes as good as being thin feels". that is so true!
I love you Susan and you are beautiful!
I love you too! And you look great, honey! Really! But more than how you look, you are beautiful. BEAUTIFUL. And that is more than just looking good. ;)
This turning 30 thing is tough to take, isn't it? We just aren't the same as we were in high school, and it sucks a little.... But we're all in it together! :)
Now I didn't share all this with you to recieve your flattery but thanks it means a lot.
Girls (and Wade) God is doing some great things with all of us inside and out. We may walk a little heavier than we did back in the day but the most important part is to radiate with God's love from the inside out.
And one way Satan trys to stop this is by making us think ugly, unhealthy thoughts about ourselves. So that is why I shared my side of the story because I know I am not the only one who feels this way.
And really, I have been blessed in my life to have friends, like many of you who walk this journey with me. You girls (and Wade) are wondeful friends!
Susan
I certainly share with you in this struggle! I firmly believe that the weight issues we girls possess is a powerful tool that Satan uses to get to us. I wish these things weren't so important to us girls because I definitely think we give Satan a powerful foothold in these struggles with weight. Thanks for being so honest!
And even though you don't want flattery, you should know that you are beautiful. A little compliment never hurt anybody!
I loved what you shared in this post. I read it last night and I woke up this morning singing "Fingerprints of God." So, thank you for that!
thanks for sharing your story, weight has always been a struggle in our home ,but for the last couple of years we have made a large effort to make things better. WW is a wonderful program and doing it with othrs really helps. Good luck and keep us posted on your progress.
I love you with all of my heart, forever and always, no matter what! That's my commitment to you since you were conceived and I'm sticking to it! I weigh more today than I did when I gave birth to you and your brother. And I know that I am wonderfully and marvelously made - God told me so! His opinion of me is the only one that counts! Stay the course, precious one! I love you!
Susan,
Lyneil and I are also in WW and on Saturday mornings we meet at the church with a group of ladies there and Deb (elder's wife) shares stories and or pieces of a book that I have grown to love. It is called "Thin within". It is a bit over priced but it helps put into perspective what God needs and wants of us more than what we want to be and see of ourselves. Check it out if you have time!
Love ya and hang in there,
Andrea
What a great post! I'm sorry I didn't get to it earlier. I have really been struggling a lot with this issue over the last year or so, and it is getting to the point that I'm frustrated and unmotivated. Thank you for sharing your struggle and the beautiful lyrics of inspiration.
It has been a while since I have visited your blog, but I wanted to thank you for opening up and sharing. I also didn't struggle with weight growing up and wasn't until Connor and I were married and I took the depo shot for birth control (I don't wish that stuff on anyone) did I start having problems. I gained fifty pounds in a month without changing anything in my diet or exercise. It has been a struggle ever since. I joined WW after Tripp was born and have started back after Thatcher was born. The program has been a good lifestyle change. You are a blessing an encouragement to me! Thanks so much!!!!
I admire your honesty about your struggles with your weight, Susan. For years I also struggled with mine. I was thin all my life and after having two children, I was suddenly almost 50 pounds heavier than I'd ever been. I know what that does to your self esteem.
I can't even remember now how I lost it but once I did, I managed to maintain a healthy weight. You will too, once you reach your goal. I can "hear" the determination.
WW is wonderful. My own daughter lost 30 pounds with WW in just under 3 months. As soon as her new baby is born, I'm sure she'll start attending regularly again. And I'm sure you know you don't ever have to starve yourself again to lose weight with their system.
I so admire you for writing this post. I'm sure you've touched a lot of people who completely understand exactly where this is coming from.
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