It Couldn't Get More Authentic Than This

Jeff and I discussed our word of the year Saturday. We usually will pick a word that we believe will define the next 365 days. Last years word: contentment. Yes, contentment. And well, you have followed our journey long enough to know that if there was one lesson learned last year it was the art of being content.



This year's word: Authentic



Webster describes it as not false or imitation; true to one's own spirit or character.


We have found that we typically answer the question, "How are you doing?" with the old standard, "I'm fine." or "I'm good." When the truth is we may not be good or fine. Even when we are doing great we stick to the "I'm fine, How are you" reply.

Why is it that we aren't able to open up to our mates, friends, family and church community during the good days and the bad. Have we, as a society in general, become too prideful to admit that we could really use a friend, mentor or a simple hug. We tend to put walls up or paint a rosy picture of how we feel or how we want our world to look from the outside looking in.


It's something that Jeff and I are going to try to change this year. We are going to try to work on removing our walls and letting others in however raw, however blessed-we choose to be authentic to each others and those around us. You see we believe that true ministry comes when we allow ourselves to get real with God, each other and the people that surround us daily.

And well, the point is, it doesn't get more authentic than yesterday.

Yesterday I started my period. Not a welcome addition when you are trying to get pregnant.
As we were leaving for church, I was a wreck. On the way to church, the song "Everlasting God" by Lincoln Brewster came on. If you have heard this you know what a wonderful song it is. But when the little girl started quoting Isaiah 40: 28-31 at the end, I lost it. That is my verse, I sing a song called Teach me Lord to Wait often that goes with that verse. Yesterday in the car, I sang it to Jeff. After singing, Jeff had a tear running down his cheek. He says God is strengthening us. He is working in me and you, we need to trust. I cried even more. We sang Blessed Be Your Name at church yesterday, I knew it was coming since I was on the praise team. I told the team before hand that I was going to loose it based on what my brother and sister in law's friends have been dealing with this past week. A two year old is not supposed to be taken away. Plus I never can sing that song without crying. We, as a team prayed for all of us who have real life issues going on right now. So what happens while standing on stage during that song? I cried. Not sweet tears, heart retching tears. Boo-hoo could have been heard through the speakers. My sweet friend next to me reached out and held me while we sang. I had to go compose myself after singing, 3 friends came with me to support me (thank you friends) I cried more. Then Jeff and I get home from church and he tells me more news. M & M our pregnant after only 5 weeks of marriage. they got pregnant on the honeymoon. I cried. I was horrible for a few minutes and sweet Jeff just sat on the bed and let me pace back and forth saying "Why God? Why!?" And then we prayed for our baby. This friends is only the second time that together we have prayed. Saturday being the first. (I know, I know we are learning to be real with each other.) Jeff and I are trusting the Lord for our timing. It has only been 90 days since we have been trying together. And I know that it will happen. God makes ever thing beautiful in His time. So yesterday, we drive over early to spend time with MIL/FIL before the big announcement. I cried in front of them. MIL held me tight. She knows how I feel, she has been there too. I held my SIL real tight yesterday and thankfully was past the crying and even had my face done up nice. No trace of the tears. She said,"I'm sorry! My heart is broken for you" And I said, "Why? I am happy for you." and I meant every word. I truly am happy for them. sad for me but happy for them. Yesterday ended with Jeff and I praising God. We truly are praising. I am being real and true when I tell you this. We are praising God.

So the word of the year is authentic. I can't hide behind the mask, I can't tell you I am okay when I am sad. Because that would be a lie. But what is truth is I have a God who has great plans for me, plans to give me a hope and a future. He has promised Sarah babies and she waited forever. I have only waited a short time. I had to wait for Jeff to take the lead. He has and is and for that I am grateful. He is a wonderful husband. A wonderful, wonderful man. I am thankful for the waiting. Truly, truly thankful.

It couldn't get more authentic than this.