:)

At my last appointment my doctor said two things that left me knowing God is fully in control.

1) There is nothing medically wrong with me keeping us from getting pregnant. This just proves to me that God's timing is perfect and His timing has not yet come.

2) My doctor told me that I was the most peaceful patient she has ever had who has been where I am today. She said most women in my shoes come in saying "What the hell? What's wrong with me?" Little does she know that I have said those same words many times on my knees crying out to the Lord. Looking back I kick myself for not using her comment as a transition to talking about all the Lord is doing within me. Maybe one day that door will be opened again.

And another tidbit that was just funny to me.

3) Jeff and I have a unspoken agreement between us that these next six months are going to not be about a baby; we want to live each day to the fullest in the present moment. But the other night, I broke that little agreement to tell him about a friend I know who works for an adoption agency.

"So and so works for an adoption agency...we should talk to her to get direction from her if that day comes."

Jeff-"Does she handle Swedish adoptions?"

It took me a minute but then I started laughing and said, "I am not sure I am going to allow you to do a Swedish adoption."

Jeff says, "Why don't you want a hot 18 year old Swedish girl for a daughter?"

"No, I want a baby."

To which Jeff says "I want a baby too."

Then I just had to hold up my hand and say "Whatever Jeff."

:)

I love this man and could not imagine anyone else walking this journey with me.

And let me close with what I write in my journal almost everyday.

I wait with hope.
I live in peace.
I serve with love.