This Time Last Year

This time last year, my heart was longing for God to answer two long term prayers...a baby and a house.  My mom invited my brother and I to a night celebrating Bible study leaders.  The night fell on her birthday and all she wanted was for her two kids to be sitting beside her, worshipping together.  They took a moment to pray for each of us and speak scripture over us, prophetic words were given to many that night.  My word given to me was to delight in the Lord and to wait on His timing, He was going to answer my prayer by the end of the summer.  I was skeptical but something came over me that night that filled me with a deep peace.  I knew someway, somehow God would either answer my prayers or He would change my heart to line with His.  {Read the original post here}

This time last year, I was working through one question that a friend posed to me at the beginning of the summer, "If God doesn't answer your prayer for a child, will you be okay?"  To be honest, I honestly didn't know and was terrified to admit that I probably wouldn't be okay. As Rich Mullins says, "Surrender does not come naturally to me" and I constantly found myself fighting against His will rather than resting in it.  Yet by faith, I moved ahead knowing that was exactly what I needed to do if I ever wanted to have a joyful life.

{Read the original post here. }

This time last year, I was in a complete stand still but choosing joy over sadness.  This my friends, was a choice I had to make every single day.  It was by faith that I chose to live in the moment and trust that one God would answer my longing for a child and move us out of the one bedroom pad. Nothing says living in the moment like jumping in the pool on a hot day, fully clothed with one of your favorite cousin-in-laws at her son's one year birthday party.

This time last year, I learned to bloom where I was planted.  August 2009 was what I like to call my great awakening.  I decide it was high time I started living my life instead of waiting for my life to begin.  I made a to do list and I filled my days with good things while surrounding myself with faithful friends who inspired me and prayed along with Jeff and I.  Jeff and I enjoyed our summer to the fullest with a few random road trips thrown in.  Gone were the days of me sobbing the day that I realized a baby would not be coming.  In fact, it was around this time that I started to ask the Lord to show me each month why this was not the month for positive plus sign.  And each month, God was faithful to show me time and time again that His timing was perfect.

I share all of this with you for one main reason, to encourage those in the same place I was this time last year.  There is a little song that I used to sing when I was in the middle of my journey.  You may know it as the "Going on a Bear Hunt" song.  I like to call it the "Got to Go Through It to Find Joy" song. 

I realized that the path to joy could not be found by taking the short cut. 

"Can't go around it, can't go above it, can't go under it--you gotta go through it"

Last summer, I spent a lot of time reading God's word and looking up scripture that talked about timing and plans.  I cried out to God more days than I can remember and was blessed with two great friends that I could talk to openly and honestly about how much I despised this time of waiting.  The great thing about these two friends is the encouragement that they gave to find a ministry that I could serve in.  Live beyond yourself is a good way to sum up the words these friends shared with me.  I found true joy in serving others and living beyond the four walls of the one bedroom waiting room we lived in.

Did answers come at the end of the summer?  Nope.  I didn't get pregnant until 5 months later.  Did I find the peace and joy I was longing to find? Absolutely!

I was recently reminded by my  mom about the night we shared last May.  She asked me if I realized that at the end of this summer I would be holding a sweet baby boy in our new home.  God knew all along His plans for us and I wonder why I ever doubted Him to provide in the first place.  You see, God's timing is not my timing-- His timing is PERFECT.  So if you find yourself in your own waiting season, let me encourage you to not give up on Him.  He will answer your prayers someway or somehow even if that means changing your heart to match His plans for you.

God is good.

God is faithful.

God's timing is perfect!

God bless your journey!

Blooming Where I am Planted

This summer has been wonderful for me! I have grown in the waiting period or as one friend said a few weeks ago, "I believe you have bloomed where you are planted."

It's a sweet time for Jeff and I, one filled with peace, love and joy. We are blessed.

I think Elisabeth Elliot summed up our family motto quite nicely, "We accept and thank God for what is given, not allowing the not-given to spoil it." Good huh?

You see the reason we are filled with peace, love and joy is because we are resting in God's timing. We know that God has a reason for this moment. It would be easy to compare our lives to the others around us and start to begin to think we are not good enough because we aren't on the same page with others. Do you see how that is stupid thinking? I believe God has a plan for me just like He has a plan for you. My plans may not look like your plans and your plans may not look like mine. The question though I ask myself, "Does that make any of our journeys less significant than the other?" Um, no.

Jeff and I have desires and longings just like many of you. Yet one of the most encouraging things about Jeff is that he does not let his desires and longings get in the way of God's plan for him in the present moment. He truly is amazing! :) We both try to live day to day. Some days we are called to serve, other days we are called to be served and some days we are called to do nothing at all. The trick though is going with the flow and taking life one step at a time.

I recently started re-reading Loving God with All Your Heart by Elizabeth George. This my friends is a MUST READ. In the chapter titled "Thinking the Truth About-The Future" she closes with this list of Bible verses.

A list that "brings peace instead of worry when we choose to believe the Bible's promises that God will superintend every future event."

• Nothing will ever happen in you that God does not already know about (Psalms 139: 1-4)
• Nothing will ever happen to you that is a mistake. (Psalms 139:4,16)
• Nothing will ever happen that you cannot handle by God's power and grace (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)
• Nothing will ever happen to you that will not eventually be used by God for some good purpose in your life (Romans 8:28)
• Nothing will ever happen to you with God's presence (Matthew 28:20)

Take a moment and soak up these truths. Cool, huh?

I don't know about you but I want to live out my life free of worry and fear of the future. I want to thrive in every season of my life especially in the waiting. With that idea in mind, I have come up with a list of things that will allow me to truly bloom-where-I-am-planted.

Tune in next week to see that list. Some of the things on this list have made Jeff say the words "Susan, you are nuts!" I think he is just jealous that a few of the ideas he didn't think up first.

Waving My White Flag

I have been working on a little ditty called surrender. Oh man, it hasn't been easy but it something that has to be done. I must surrender to the LORD'S PLAN FOR MY LIFE AND NOT SUSAN'S PLAN.

A friend asked me almost a year ago, "What will you do if you never have children?" In my head I thought to myself "Whatever, it will never happen. We will have children." Out loud I said, "Move ahead with joy, I guess, because I will not be a bitter, barren woman." And we laughed at the thought of me becoming bitter and the word barren. Yet, it has been my biggest fear thus far in my life. Bitter and Barren are strange words to me.

Hang with me please.

By no means are you to read this post and think Jeff and I are giving up on children. But I must tell you this in order to get you to the point I am trying to make. Sometimes life does not turn out the way we choose. If Jeff and I had our way, we would be spending this summer decorating our new home with hopefully a little one on the way. None of these things have happened though, so we are learning to move ahead.

Questions I find myself working through...Does it mean that God is not there because the Clomid didn't work? NO! Does it mean that He cares for us any less because we are still in a holding pattern? NO! God has shown us over and over that His hand is guiding us every step of the way. Over the past three years, Jeff and I have grown closer in our marriage and both of us would say that our quiet times have been sweeter because of the waiting period. To God be the glory great things He hath done.

But let me tell you about what God is doing in my heart, today. One, I am realizing that I don't need to plan the next detail or sit wondering about the what ifs, I can live fully even if the wait seems long (or if the wait goes on forever). I have found that I am more relaxed because I am not allowing the hope of a house or baby to be my ultimate joy. My ultimate joy is living in the moment, serving God fully and giving Him the reigns for every aspect of my life. I know one day I am going to look back on this season and shed a few happy tears. I can look back even now and shed a few happy tears because of all that God has done in our hearts. Again, to God be the glory great things He hath done.

Is it easy to let go? Hell, no! (Sorry I just had to say it with that amount of force.) But has it been rewarding? Hell, YEA it has! (Sorry, last time I say it like that, promise)

And to make this post even more hippity-hoppity-all over the place. When I was in high school, I was introduced to Rich Mullins music. I heart me some Rich Mullin's tunes.

One song, above all has stuck with me to this day. It's call Hold Me Jesus. There is one line that I have chewed on many times in recent weeks, it so describes what I am going through.

Surrender don't come natural to me

I'd rather fight You for something I don't really want

Than to take what You give that I need

And I've beat my head against so many walls

Now I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees

Last night I did something I have been meaning to do for sometime now. I went to my home Church's prayer garden. There is a section of open field where three crosses stand in the sun. I grabbed my camera so I could document this journey. Last night, before the sun went down, I sat at the cross and sang, "I Surrender All." I didn't really care if anyone heard me or saw me worshipping there. It wasn't about how I looked or sounded, it was what was going on inside my heart that really mattered.

When all was said and done, I left that garden a changed woman. I fully surrender to the Lord's plan for my life. Kids or no kids. House or no house. I rest in His plans for me. It feels good but strange at the same time. I was quite comfortable carrying that burden around with me these past few years. But not anymore, I am freed from the need to do things my own way. God, you are fully in control with whatever this life leads.








All to Jesus, I surrender. All to Him I freely give. I will ever love and trust Him, in His presence daily live. I surrender all. I surrender all. All to thee my blessed Savior, I surrender all.

Celebrating God's Goodness

The other night I joined my mom and brother at a praise and worship night for small group leaders at their church. It was my mom's birthday and she wanted her kids with her so we could worship together.

Throughout the night, I was reminded of God's faithfulness to our little family of three. Who would have thought that 20 years after my parent's divorce that all 3 of us would be serving in some capacity at our churches. It gives me great joy to realize that God could us warts and all to further His kingdom.

We have been blessed throughout these years to see God's mighty hand at work in our lives. In recent years we have been blessed to see God turn the bad into good. And I want to take a moment to publicly applaud my mom.

This past two years she has been ministering to a group of ladies she calls Lemonade Ladies. Each one of these ladies are choosing to take the lemons that have been thrown at them and turn them into something sweet. My mom is pouring out her life experiences into each one of their lives and pointing them back to the only one who can fix the mess, Jesus Christ. I am proud of her and enjoy hearing how each Lemonade Ladies life has touched my mom.

I was reminded the night of my mom's birthday that God does hear our cries and answers our prayers. I have learned over the years one simple truth about God: if you seek Him, you will find Him.

MOM, you are doing a great job and I am proud of you for taking your lemons and turning them into lemonade. Continue the path that God has laid out for you and be still and know that He is God. XOXOX Love you to pieces!!!

- your blue-eyed Susan

P.S We may look a little rough in the picture because all three of us were a puddle of tears at one point in the night. Just keeping it real, peeps! Just keeping it real

This TIme Last Year...

I wanted to post a blog specifically for a few readers who are feeling what I was feeling this time last year.  For those of us who want to be mothers yet struggle with infertility, this weekend will not be easy.  Last year was my hardest year to go through, all I wanted to do is crawl in a whole until Mother's day was done.  

I have a few people I am thinking about tonight and my heart aches for you.  I know that you are struggling and I know that you feel like God has forgotten you.  And yes, it's hard but I promise it gets easier.

You see this time last year, I was in the darkest part of my journey with infertility.  I was angry, bitter and self loathing.  I tried to cover up by pretending I was doing good, yet God brought a few friends in my life that could see right through my facade.  These friends have been godsends to me this past year.  They call and encourage me.  They cry with me and they pray with me.  I encourage those of you who are where I was this time last year to let go and reach out to those around you.  I encourage you to get on your knees and allow God to carry your load.

This year, I would be lying if I told you that I wasn't sad.  I would be lying if I didn't tell you that I never imagined another Mother's day without a baby on the way or one cuddled in my arms.  Yet, this is where I am today.  This is my reality.  For the past 2 years, I have been on an emotional roller coaster.  Month after month, I received the same news.  Yet month after month I have found that God's strength is enough to carry me through.  Month after month, the dark days have become shorter and the happy days longer.  I have grown in my faith and love for God.  I have cherished more of my journey this past year more than anytime in my life.  I have replaced my bitterness with joy and praise God for bringing me to where I am today.

So for those of you where I was this time last year, don't loose hope.  Lay your burdens at the feet of Jesus and let Him heal you, let Him transform you from the inside out.  God is with you even in your darkest days, He is with you.

This year, Jeff is taking me on  a special outing on Saturday afternoon.  This year, Jeff and I are going to serve together in the children's church on Sunday.  Oh how we love these kids.  We are also going to celebrate our mom's who have been a huge source of strength to both of us this year.  I praise God for this man who has been a rock to me especially the past few months.

This year I choose joy.  

This year I choose peace.

This year I celebrate with many friends who have been blessed with children this year after many years of trying. (You know who you are...wink. wink)

This year I wait with hope.

This year I trust God and the plans He has for me.

A Wow Moment

I realize that our family is not the only ones hurting right now. Many of us our facing trials that just leave us scratching our heads, wondering what in the world is going on. When the trials come, when we have more bad days than good, it's easy for us to question if God is with us. I am hear to say that He is with us-good days and bad. If you don't believe me, watch this video. Man, was I floored by what Louie had to say---so good!

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you."

2 Corinthians 4: 7-12

Loosening My Grasp

In the song that I will be singing at the Women's Renewal there is a line that I love.

"I'm loosening my grasp, there's no need to mask my frailty but you see the real me."

I love the phrase "loosening my grasp" because how many times have I held on tightly to one thing or the other.

The past few weeks have been very surreal for me. By nature, I am a planner. I like to have all my days lined out and plans in place a few weeks in advance. Since the beginning of our relationship Jeff has tried to get me to loosen up a bit. On our honeymoon Jeff had this wonderful adventure planned out for us in California and every time we were some where new I would say "What's next on our list?" He would answer back with "You taking medicine or something? Relax! Enjoy yourself." So for the past six years I have been working very hard at sitting back, relaxing a bit and enjoying each day as they come. Yet I often find myself wandering what God is doing with us. Last night as I was straightening the house, I had a moment where it all clicked.

Why not enjoy the path God has chosen for you instead of struggle against it?

I treat God the same way that I treated Jeff on our honeymoon. Jeff had this wonderful adventure planned out for me yet I couldn't enjoy the present moment because I was consumed with what would be happening next. I find myself doing the same thing to God today. When we moving? When are we going to have a baby? Why are we waiting? Why can't we have it all right now? What are you up to Lord?

But you see God has this wonderful adventure planned out for me as well and I believe that He wants me to enjoy this moment fully. I need to trust God's plan for our life. I need to sit back, relax and enjoy the road ahead. And so that is just what I am going to do.

Today in my journal I wrote, "Lord, forget the plan. Forget trying to figure it all out. Help us Lord to trust your guiding hand. Lead us Lord-show us your ways."


"In his heart a man plans his course, bu the Lord determines His steps." Proverbs 16:9

:)

At my last appointment my doctor said two things that left me knowing God is fully in control.

1) There is nothing medically wrong with me keeping us from getting pregnant. This just proves to me that God's timing is perfect and His timing has not yet come.

2) My doctor told me that I was the most peaceful patient she has ever had who has been where I am today. She said most women in my shoes come in saying "What the hell? What's wrong with me?" Little does she know that I have said those same words many times on my knees crying out to the Lord. Looking back I kick myself for not using her comment as a transition to talking about all the Lord is doing within me. Maybe one day that door will be opened again.

And another tidbit that was just funny to me.

3) Jeff and I have a unspoken agreement between us that these next six months are going to not be about a baby; we want to live each day to the fullest in the present moment. But the other night, I broke that little agreement to tell him about a friend I know who works for an adoption agency.

"So and so works for an adoption agency...we should talk to her to get direction from her if that day comes."

Jeff-"Does she handle Swedish adoptions?"

It took me a minute but then I started laughing and said, "I am not sure I am going to allow you to do a Swedish adoption."

Jeff says, "Why don't you want a hot 18 year old Swedish girl for a daughter?"

"No, I want a baby."

To which Jeff says "I want a baby too."

Then I just had to hold up my hand and say "Whatever Jeff."

:)

I love this man and could not imagine anyone else walking this journey with me.

And let me close with what I write in my journal almost everyday.

I wait with hope.
I live in peace.
I serve with love.

Taking A Leap of Faith At Our Place

Pray for us, we did not sign another 6 month lease, we are now living month to month.

I am praying that we can move into our home before Christmas.

And since Jeff is still 80/20 on which way to go regarding the house, I am not allowed to give details...yet. But yes, we have a home that I am already mentally decorating.

Pray for discernment. Pray that the Lord either opens or closes the doors for whatever house He has planned for us. Praise for the leap of faith on Jeff's part and the contentment on Little Mrs Planners end.

Life is good.

We are blessed!


I will post Trick or Treat photos on Monday.

Good Things to Share

I have come across a few quotes that I love and thought you would love them too.

An interview of Sara Groves in Life Beautiful Magazine, Summer 2008:

" A woman approached Sara and gave her a piece of paper that she has kept to this day. On it were words the woman said were straight from the heart of God. Sara resisted the cynicism she felt rising inside when she first received the note, instead willing herself to "stay open" and consider the woman's message. "[The note] told me to let God define 'normal' for me," Sara says. "It told me that my normal might not look like everyone else's normal and that was okay."

My theme verse that I have recently adopted, Ephesians 2:10

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

I find that when I am open to the plans God has for me I am content in the waiting. Not only am I content but I am joyful and joy leads to perfect peace.

I gave up long ago trying to define the plans God had for me. Throughout my life there is evidence time and time again that God's plans for my are different from my peers. I am on a different path and I am okay with that-truly.

It helps to know that God knew in advance what I would be doing today. He knew what my hopes would be and He knew what struggles I would face in this present moment. I believe that all of these are working for a bigger cause than I could ever imagine. I choose to live in the moment because that is all that I that God asks of me. The proof of this is found in Matthew 6:34, "Don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own."

I choose to let God write my story however He chooses fit. I trust His plans and look forward to how the future will unfold.

Song In My Head: Blue Skies by Point of Grace

I love this song and maybe the reason it constantly plays in my head is due to the beautiful fall days we are having this week.

I checked the forecast yesterday to see what the day would be like, Yahoo Weather said: Abundant Sunshine. I just love that they added that adjective to portray the amount of sunshine we would receive.

Abundance is a good word. A word I very rarely use but I have come to love.

I was in a reflective mood yesterday and decided to look up the word abundance on Bible Gateway. I found many verses with the word abundance, mostly to describe God's blessing others with food or such. But the verse in Psalms 66:12 touched me most.

"Then you put a leader over us. We went through fire and flood,
but you brought us to a place of great abundance."

Why did it touch me? Because they had to go through the fire and the flood in order to reach the place of abundance. I realize that my struggles are nothing compared to what others around me are going through. I know that I have been blessed but every once in a while I have those moments of humanness where I ask, "Why me, Lord?" Over the recent months, I have seen God blessing us abundantly and for that I praise Him. It's like they always say, "Hindsight is 20/20." Well as I look back on the past two years, I can clearly see God and His presence surrounding me. That is one of the reasons why I believe strongly in keeping a prayer journal because it never fails to prove God's presence in my life especially when you document the verses that God brought your way or the different songs playing in your head. All of these prove to me time and time again that God is a present in my life and blessing me abundantly.

Do you want to know the biggest blessing I have received in recent days. I have come to learn that I am happy in the present moment. Even though we are still trying for a baby, even though we have not moved to a house, God is blessing us. Jeff and I laugh more, cuddle more and communicate more than ever these days. And knowing the road that we have travelled to get there is a sign of God's abundantly blessing us.

So no matter where you are today remember that God is there and is blessing you abundantly, it's just how you choose to look at it.

What's Up Buttercup?

I have found myself saying this to Jeff when he walks in the door from his afternoon walk (6 mile walk that is...6 miles....you go dude!) I don't know why I have started saying this but I do and he just gives me that look that makes me know he is thinking "What planet did you come from?"

Sigh.

Do you want to know what's up buttercup in our world?

Busy, busy, busy we are but joyful, joyful, joyful are we too.

Nope, no news to report on project positive plus sign. I promise I will shout it from the roof tops when that day comes. For now, I am encouraged. God is constantly showing me His presence and I am thankful. I believe James 4:8 to be a verse full of promise. "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you!"

And friends I have found that when I lean on Him, I am stronger, peaceful and overflowing with joy for our little journey. I realize there is a reason for this season of waiting and I am at peace with this.

J and I have been leaning on the lyrics to the Rich Mullins song where he says, "Step by Step You' ll lead me and I will follow You all of my days." Today we took the next step and all day I have felt God's presence surrounding us. I am choosing joy and I am choosing to walk step by step with God.

I believe He is leading us. I believe He has great plans for us and for this I am grateful.

You know I often pray that our journey be a testament to God and I pray that God use this season of waiting to bring glory to His name. Oh God, you are my God and I will ever praise you.

Have a happy, joyful weekend and I hope everyone in Texas stays dry and safe.

Remember Miriam Quotes Part One

Nancy Leigh Demoss is doing a wonderful series on Miriam, Moses' sister. To listen from the beginning and at your own pace you can go here. I copied and pasted a few of my favorite parts so I could remember what God is teaching me during this journey. You know the minute I get discouraged or feel like God has forgotten about us, it never fails that God uses that time to encourage and spur me on. I am encouraged by Nancy's teachings, a phone call from a friend telling me that God laid us on their heart and they wanted to call to check on us, a song on the radio, and time spent in the Word. All of these remind me that God has not forgotten about us, that He does have a plan and we just need to wait, with faith, on Him. I put in bold and italics our new family motto. If you know me at all you should not have a problem realizing the one that struck a chord with me.

Maybe these quotes will bless you too. Beware it's a lot of material so if you don't have time to read it all, come back when you can or listen to them on the website at your own pace. This series will bless you I promise.

From: Parenting Under Providence

What is God’s providence? We’re going to see it in spades in this passage. God sees ahead. Pro- vidance: pro = before, voidance = vision. God has vision. He can see things ahead, and He makes provision for what’s coming that only He sees and knows.

You could break the word down this way: Pro-vidence—God’s providence. He provides for what He knows is coming. He’s always orchestrating the circumstances and events of our lives to fulfill His purposes.

As we continue in this account in Exodus 2, I want you to look for evidences of God’s providential hand and care. The thing about providence is that most often you can’t see it when you’re in the midst of the circumstances. You only see it when you look back.

That’s why we need to trust now, when we can’t see what God is doing, knowing that one day we will see and we will understand that God was not oblivious. He was not inactive. He was not asleep on His throne. He was very actively involved, knowing what was going on and working to make provision.

Let God write the script. Let Him do it His way


From: The Seeds of Faith
Someone has said that God's will is exactly what we would choose if we knew what God knows, and that's the heart of providence. It's knowing that God does see, and God does know. It's trusting His heart when we can't see His hand.

It's saying, “Lord, when I can step back in time or eternity and look back on all this, I will see You did all things well, and so now when I'm in the midst of this furnace or this Red Sea or this loss of a child or this oppression of mental, emotional, physical—whatever the enemy is, whatever the obstacle is—I trust that You are here. You are working. You are moving. You are accomplishing Your purposes, that if I knew now what You know now, I would say, 'Lord, You're not making a mistake.'”

You wait patiently, and you don't manipulate. You don't—well, I want to say you don't whine, although I have done some whining. I will confess. Let's see, what do you do? You . . .

Woman 3: . . . say, “Thank You.”

Nancy: You say, “Thank You.” You say, “Lord, I will praise You. My mouth will exalt You all the time, regardless of what I feel, regardless of what's going on. I will bless the Lord at all times.”

You wait, and you let God be God. You say, “In time, I will see, and I will know.” If not in time in this life, then in the next I will see that God was glorifying Himself and was blessing me. God loves us. He does want to bless us, His children, and these things will come to be for our good and for His glory.

For those of us that have done cross-stitch or needlepoint, so many times, and mine in particular, you look to the backside, and it's all knotted. It is not a very pretty picture. That's how we look at life sometimes, but God is up here. He's looking down on that needlepoint picture at what a perfect, beautiful picture it is.




From The Spotlight Is On God

So we learn a lot. When we’re obeying God, we’re blessed, and God can use us. When we go outside God’s plan and God’s place for our lives, then we will suffer consequences.

It reminds me of what Romans 15 says:

For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope (verse 4).

Listen, we don’t need all those extraneous stories to give us hope. We have the Word of God. And through the encouragement of God’s Word, we have hope.

Proof That God is In the Details

I have been worried about Granny the past few weeks. Her health is not good and she really needs to have someone with her to help her while my grandfather is at work. This summer sweet cousin Martha stayed over there and helped Granny with light housekeeping, laundry and meals. But more than anything, Martha was Granny's little buddy for the summer. Well, little cousin Martha went back to school this week so Granny was going to need help finding someone to stay with her.

The family has spent the past two weeks trying to locate someone by word of mouth and asking around to a few of our contacts in the area. Between my aunt, mom, brother and I we know quite a few people in the area someone was bound to show up.

Instead of worrying about it, I trusted that God was in the details of this situation, like it says in Psalms 37:23 (The New Living Translation)

"The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives."

Anytime I started to doubt, I told myself that God delights in the details of our lives!

Sunday morning I woke up praying for God to direct us to someone that would be able to provide care for my sweet Granny. I thought of one person and told God that if so and so was supposed to be that person than bring them to church on Sunday so I can ask her face to face. She didn't come.

And so I continued to pray and trust God to iron out all the details. Today I called Granny to see if she needed anything picked up at the grocery store and to see how her doctor's appointment went yesterday.

Well the doctor's appointment was good y'all, real good.

She and my aunt had made an appointment to talk to her doctor about getting her approved for home health care. The doctor said, "Whatever you need-don't worry-I will set it up."

I asked Granny what the cost would be out of pocket. And she said "None, medicare covers it."

I asked when will it get started and she said by next week hopefully.

So see, no need to worry God is still in the details.

And as my great-grandmother MOM would saying PTL! PTL!

PTL stands for PRAISE THE LORD!

See...

God is still in the details!

My Theme Song

And God Is There Yet Again

Emotions running high, I found myself on my knees early this morning. When the phone rings and a friend from church is on the other line, I tried to act happy but the minute she asked me how I was doing I cried.

Long story short, God used this woman to minister directly to me. Later in the day I receive an email from her with an original piece of poetry. Whether or not it was written for me is unclear but the verse she used at the end is the verse that I have been resting in over the past few months. I praise God for Christian community because it never fails when you need them someone is there. I deleted the author's name just in case she wants to remain anonymous but most of you from church (past or present) should recognize the writing style of this sweet, sweet woman.

Nestled Beneath God’s Wing

If only I were there with you,
You’d know how much I care;
But ‘til I am, I’ll lift you up
And whisper in my prayer. . .

“Give her, Lord, a glimpse of You
That she might understand,
While troubles press on every side,
She’s held within Your hands.

Embraced by You, and nestled close,
She’s tucked beneath Your wing;
Seeking refuge in Your arms,
Her Protector, Lord and King.

And then, Lord, in Your small still voice
Unlike she’s ever heard,
Encourage her with promises
Revealed within Your word.

So when in times she cannot feel
Your presence by her side,
She’ll find the grace to draw upon
Through faith that You provide.”

So every day I’ll pray for you
Whether near or far apart;
Lifting you up to our Lord
While I hold you in my heart.

Psalm 91:4

"Wheter you turn to the right or to the left your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying "this is the way; walk in it." Isaiah 30:21

I am praying for God to come and guide me. I am praying for the right door to be opened so that there is no doubt that this is the direction in which Jeff and I need to move ahead.

Over the past two weeks, I have been tired, run down, moody and frustrated with life as a whole. I put God on a shelf for a bit because I choose to take out my frustrations on Him. I am tired of waiting and I am tired of being told no, not yet. I have been praying for God to release us from this season of our life but have been too terrified to move ahead.

This weekend I went away for a weekend of cropping (scrapbooking for those who don't know that term), chatter and food. When I left all I wanted from this weekend was a time of rest. I wanted to get away from all the craziness surrounding my life. It has been nuts not only on the outside but on the inside as well. Let's just say that God used Friday and Saturday to draw me closer to Him. I opened my journal on Friday and was reading a few of my past entries.

A few weeks ago when Jodi called to tell me about Baby Brooklyn I hung up the phone and immediately got on my knees to pray for my sweet friend and her unborn child. After I finished praying, I pulled out my bible and came across three verses. I remember reading them thinking man these are perfect for Jodi and David's situation. And yet when I read them this weekend I thought to myself man this is perfect for Jeff and my situation.

The first is written above.

The second is Isaiah 42: 16, "I will lead the blind by ways they have not know, unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them."

The third is Isaiah 58:8-9, "Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Then you will call and the Lord will answer, you will cry for help and he will say, "Here I am."

These verses reminded me that God is not only guiding us but He is near. It told me that when the dark days come that God will be there, He will not forsake me. And when I cry to Him for help he will answer, "Here I am."

I don't know about you but isn't that the epitome of a blessed assurance to know that God is near in good times and bad? After I read these verses, I had to just stop and praise God for His nearness. I praised God for Him faithfulness to me even though I distanced myself from Him for two weeks. I came away from this weekend with clear answers to the path that God is choosing and I am praying for the open doors so that there is no doubt in both Jeff and my mind that this is the way that we should go.

I will keep you posted.

Let's Get Real-Can We?

I have been thinking about the words found in James 5:13-16 the last few months. I read it not too long ago and could not remember where I read that verse. Don't you hate that? Well with the help of my trusty concordance and a heap of prayer I found it two weeks ago. There are many people that I want to share this verse with, who read the blog, so for time sake, I will write it all here.


The New Living Translations says it best:

"Are any of you suffering hardships? You should pray. Are any of you happy? You should sing praises. Are any of you sick? You should call for the elders of the church to come and pray over you, anointing you with oil in the name of the Lord. Such a prayer offered in faith will heal the sick, and the Lord will make you well. And if you have committed any sins, you will be forgiven. Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results."

I call it the getting real verse. I believe there is much power when we are able to admit that we are struggling, rejoicing or we have sinned.

Let me see if I can simplify my thoughts regarding this verse:

1. Why are we afraid to ask for help when we know we could really use it?
2. Why do we pretend we have it all together when the truth is we are falling apart?
3. Why are we afraid to let others walk along side us in our time of need?
4. Why do we sometimes find ourselves avoiding those who are hurting instead of walking along side them?
5. How can we encourage and love those walking through a rough season.

I have learned in the past two years that there is NOTHING wrong with asking for help. I have been blessed to be surrounded by friends who can see through the "I'm fine or I'm good" answer. Every time I admit that I am struggling and ask for help, God brings someone into my life to offer a word of encouragement or a phone call out of the blue to tell me they have been praying for me.

I believe that every human being has seasons of good and bad. I think that if we allowed ourselves to open up in the bad times we would find that supporting someone else in there bad times would be easier for us, less uncomfortable. I believe that God encourages us to lay down the all is well with me mask and let our true selves show through so that we can be healed. And then, in return one day we will be able to help someone else in their time of need. So let's get real peeps and quit trying to act like we are picture perfect. Isn't that what the Christian community is all about?


And can I say another thing that has been running through my head? Let's look at the life of Jesus. Jesus had 12 disciples that went with him everywhere he went. He padres so to speak. But how many people did he have when he went to pray in the garden? (Matthew 26:37) Three! And so I say this as an encouragement to those of you out there who are a little more private. You don't have to share the deepest hurts and pain with every Tom, Dick and Harry or Sally, Sue and Mary. If you are hurting, if you are rejoicing, if you are sick, if you are falling to pieces at the seams, if you are blessed in the season I pray that you have that one person or three, to pray for you in your time of need, whatever that need maybe. You know safe people that you are able to say, "Pray with me, I am desperate!" or "Rejoice with me-God has blessed me!"

And I pray, oh how I pray that in return we are able to be a person where people want to come to us in good times and bad.


Alright, that is all for now!

Rock on my friends, rock on! :)

Embrace It

I have a quote that I use in my bible as a bookmark. I wrote it many, many years ago. Isn't it funny how you can tell the time frame something was written just by the style of your handwriting?

Anyway, this quote I have embraced fully in the last few years. I guess more in the last year. God is doing some mighty things behind the scenes and I am humbled, exhilirated and at peace with all that God is doing. I pray this quote blesses you as well.

"God has more for you than plans; He also has a purpose. You do not have to fear getting on a sidetrack when God is setting your course. If He is speaking, listen. If He is guiding, follow. And when you arrive at the place He has chosen, let you heart be still. He not only knows where He has taken you, He also knows what He is doing with you while He has you there."


Today the following song has been playing in my head and enlight of all that has happened in the Chapman househould this week, I thought I would post it here.

Just another reminder that living in the moment is a beautiful thing! Even if it is like the 100th time I have mentioned in the song...or some number close to that.

I just finished this book late last night. If you have never read the Mitford Series then you are missing out on a sweet experience. You fall in love with Father Tim from the very first adventure in the little town of Mitford. I guarantee you these books will not disappoint you.

Home to Holly Springs is the first novel that follows up the Mitford set. I have been wanting to read this for over a year but could not get my hands on it at the library. I was on a waiting list a mile long and because I am super frugal I did not go out and buy it, instead I waited patiently for my turn. Something in me knew that when it became my turn that it would be well worth the wait.

Honestly, I think God used this book to speak directly to my heart. If you know me well, then you know that I have a hard time letting go and trusting God with my future. Over this past year, the lesson God has taught me more than anything is to rest in Him and enjoy life one day at a time. And by doing this, life has taken on a much sweeter aroma. I find great pleasure in the little things that happen in our life, I relish each new day and try to make the most of the season that God has placed before me.

Here is a quote that I had to stop and read to Jeff. To set the stage, Father Tim is talking to Jessica his childhood neighbor, they both are only children but longed to have a sibling.

"I remember you always wanted a brother, and I always wanted a sister." She was pensive for a moment. "But you know what?"

"What?"

"I think th' whole point of life is to know God, and be able to accept the way things turn out."

(Home to Holly Springs, page 121)

That dear friends, sums up the way that Jeff and I are learning to view life these days. We are happy, we are content and find joy with the path that God has laid out before us.

I believe it is because we have stopped rushing His plan and enjoying the life He has given us today, in this present moment, that we are able to find true, deep seeded joy.

I am blessed, so richly blessed.

How 'bout you?