I wanted to post a blog specifically for a few readers who are feeling what I was feeling this time last year. For those of us who want to be mothers yet struggle with infertility, this weekend will not be easy. Last year was my hardest year to go through, all I wanted to do is crawl in a whole until Mother's day was done.
I have a few people I am thinking about tonight and my heart aches for you. I know that you are struggling and I know that you feel like God has forgotten you. And yes, it's hard but I promise it gets easier.
You see this time last year, I was in the darkest part of my journey with infertility. I was angry, bitter and self loathing. I tried to cover up by pretending I was doing good, yet God brought a few friends in my life that could see right through my facade. These friends have been godsends to me this past year. They call and encourage me. They cry with me and they pray with me. I encourage those of you who are where I was this time last year to let go and reach out to those around you. I encourage you to get on your knees and allow God to carry your load.
This year, I would be lying if I told you that I wasn't sad. I would be lying if I didn't tell you that I never imagined another Mother's day without a baby on the way or one cuddled in my arms. Yet, this is where I am today. This is my reality. For the past 2 years, I have been on an emotional roller coaster. Month after month, I received the same news. Yet month after month I have found that God's strength is enough to carry me through. Month after month, the dark days have become shorter and the happy days longer. I have grown in my faith and love for God. I have cherished more of my journey this past year more than anytime in my life. I have replaced my bitterness with joy and praise God for bringing me to where I am today.
So for those of you where I was this time last year, don't loose hope. Lay your burdens at the feet of Jesus and let Him heal you, let Him transform you from the inside out. God is with you even in your darkest days, He is with you.
This year, Jeff is taking me on a special outing on Saturday afternoon. This year, Jeff and I are going to serve together in the children's church on Sunday. Oh how we love these kids. We are also going to celebrate our mom's who have been a huge source of strength to both of us this year. I praise God for this man who has been a rock to me especially the past few months.
This year I choose joy.
This year I choose peace.
This year I celebrate with many friends who have been blessed with children this year after many years of trying. (You know who you are...wink. wink)
This year I wait with hope.
This year I trust God and the plans He has for me.
6 comments:
I appreciate so much your honesty and willingness to share. You will continue to be blessed because of it!
Very encouraging post. Thanks.
You need to be a writer!
You sweet thing... You have been on my heart the last couple of days for this very reason. And today, I am blessed by reading your words about how God is working on you and through you. Know that I love you dearly and am PRAYING. :)
Great words of encouragement. I am sure someone will stumble across, or is an avid reader and is truly blessed by your words. You are amazing. Thank you for being real. Praying sweet cousin.
I love reading your blog for the strength and wisdom you show and for the encouragement you give. I also keep hoping that one day I will click on your link and you will have some wonderful news to share. I know it will happen for you someday - just wish we could understand God's timing a little better. I just wanted you to know that you stay on my heart for this reason and I will continue to pray that someday SOON Mother's Day will hold a whole new meaning for you.
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