365 Days Later

The past few days, I have been marveling at the difference a year makes.  365 days ago, we were in an apartment trucking along on our savings plan--I couldn't wait to be in a house.  365 days ago, I was daily meeting with my chiropractor praying that my doctors were not correct in the assessment that we would never have a child.  I knew my God, if it be His will could work a miracle. 365 days ago, I was spending every Tuesday night with my grandmother-savoring every moment with her because her health was fading fast. 

(I just read the next few paragraphs and came close to deleting it but decided to leave the rambling as is--I feel it may bless someone who is where I was this time last year. Pull up a chair, it's going to be a long one)

Last night, 365 days later I sat thinking about all the changes that took place and cried.  Sitting in the house, of my son's room, rocking my miracle boy and longing for my Granny Bonner to have had a chance to see his sweet smile and hear his giggles. (She would have loved to hear his laugh--sweetest sound EVER) Poor Baby Andrew was once again drenched in tears as I prayed and praised my Heavenly Father.  Outside of Andrew's room hangs a sketched picture of my grandparents.  I love this picture because the artist captured my grandmother's face perfectly.  It captured her sly smile and the twinkle in her eye.  Oh how she loved her family and especially her grandchildren.  I always tell Andrew that Granny would have loved him and that she was so happy to feel his first kicks when he was in my belly.  The joy that radiated from her face the day I told her I was pregnant will always remain as one of the sweetest gifts God could have given me.  You see, this time last year, I sat with my head in my grandmother's lap and cried because I wanted desperately to be a mother.  In addition to that, I wanted to be able to tell her I was pregnant before she died.  It was two days later, after I cried in her lap that I was rushing her to the hospital.  I was terrified of this trip.  Friends, she did not look good and it broke my heart to have her sitting in the seat next to me struggling for every single breath.  I knew in that moment that there was a reason why God had not answered my cry to be pregnant.  There would have been no way that a pregnant me would have been able to move my frail grandmother to the car. Granny never came home to her apartment after this trip to the hospital.  It was from here that we made the decision to put her in a nursing home.  That final slumber party was spent with a grandmother loving on her granddaughter and a granddaughter soaking up every moment with her grandmother.  I will forever cherish that night.  I love  the advice she gave to me as I cried and cried and cried for a baby.  She told me to never give up hope but to stop worrying and begin trusting God.  She said for me to enjoy this time with my husband because once I become pregnant it will never be the same.  And she told me that she knew one day I was going to make a great mom even if I never actually gave birth to one.

Last night, I sat and thought of these things and my heart hurt with a fresh pain for those who are right smack dab in the middle of where I was 365 days ago.  I cry for the women who are surrounded by pregnant women and wondering why has it not happened to them. I cry for the couples who struggle to muster up the love that needs to happen to bring a little one into this world.  Trust me girls, I know what you are feeling.  I know the ache your heart is feeling this very moment and my heart aches for you.  It would be easy for me to offer up some platitudes and tell you not to loose hope because you never know what is just around the corner.  Yet what happens if it never happens?  Will you be okay?  Will your marriage be okay? Will your faith in God be okay?

All of these questions, I asked myself almost every minute of the day.  There were a few absolutes that I clung to during my time of waiting.  I knew that no matter where the road led, I would not doubt God's sovereignty and His goodness in my life.  I knew that I had two ways to go about my life, joyfully or bitterly.  I made myself choose joy.  I also knew that I would not let my marriage fail because we didn't have a baby.  Do you know that in the Bible your marriage is complete when you say I do?  It doesn't say your marriage is complete when you have child one, two, three and four.  No, children are viewed as a bonus--they are not what makes your family unit complete.  Husband & Wife make the marriage complete.  I don't know about you but this was freeing for me.  I could take this concept and apply it to how I treated Jeff.  The 4 months before I became pregnant are some of the sweetest moments in our marriage.  What a gift from God to be able to say that.  Trust me, there were many times in our 4 1/2 years of waiting that I thought we weren't going to make it.  I am happy to say we did and with flying colors.

So as I ponder where the road has led us the past 365 days all I can do is offer up praise to God.  I praise Him for blessing us with a child.  When doctors told us it would take a miracle for us to get pregnant-God showed up and gave us that miracle.  When friends and family started to encourage us to seek adoption--I was encouraged to try a chiropractor first.  When I thought I would never be able to see Granny B's face when I told her I was pregnant--God allowed me to be able to tell her first.  She was also the first person to feel Baby Andrew's kicks--other than me. 

Friends, words can not adequately express the thanksgiving that flows from my heart 365 days later.  Yet, I spent 1000+ words trying to do so just now.  Oh sweet girl, reading this on the other end of the screen who needed these words tonight, I pray it blesses you. 

I'm praying for you and my heart aches with you.

Introducing Andrew

This is our sweet baby, Andrew. The proof that God answers prayers and that good things do happen to those who wait.  I am loving every minute of being a new mom.  My favorite part is that newborn smell and the middle of the night cuddle times. I know these two things will not last forever so I am soaking up every single minute.

We are blessed beyond measure.  Andrew is a great sleeper and a good eater.  His pediatrician summed it up nicely the other day by describing him as laid back.  Don't get me wrong, he has his fussy moments but that quickly can be remedied with a bottle of breast milk.  (Yes, I said bottle--the boy is slow to nurse but thrives on a bottle. He's gaining weight and doing well so I'm good with that) 

He has his Daddy wrapped around his little finger.  One of my favorite things EVER is to listen to Jeff have guy talks with his son.  I hope to capture one of these talks on video but Jeff is not the type to perform on command so I will have to be tricky about it. The benefit to having a son who takes pumped bottles is that his Daddy can bond with his son while helping feed and the added bonus of  Jeff taking the night shift on the weekends.  This is a huge blessing to me since during the week I fly solos at night and most of the days. 

Thankfully our son thrives on routine and is slowly starting to get a routine of his own.  My favorite part of his routine is his nightly bath.  Andrew loves the water (again just like Daddy) and nothing relaxes this kid more than his sponge baths.  Baths are a great blessing in our house.

We thank God daily for blessing us with this sweet boy.  We have fallen head over heels with this little guy.  What a blessing he is to our family! 

Thank you Lord for answering our prayers for a baby!  We thank you for all that you have done and all that you are going to do in his life!

These Are the Days We Will Remember

I remember it like it was yesterday, driving in our rental car heading somewhere North. I had put together a Young Family road trip playlist and Jeff and I were sitting back enjoying the open road with songs blaring from our speakers.

The theme of that playlist was to live in the moment. My favorite was Keith Urban's "These Are the Days." At that moment in time those words resonated with me.

"These are the days we will remember. These are the times that won't come again...So take 'em by the hand, they're yours and mine. Take 'em by the hand and live your life. Take 'em by the hand don't let 'em all fly by"

It was on that road trip to the North that I decided that no matter where the road took me I was going to live fully in the moment--not letting life pass by but soaking up the present moment.  Today I am just days away from being a full time mom and tonight starts the official countdown to Andrew. My mom will be staying with me as we wait for Andrew to make his apperance into the world.  I still can't believe I am just days away from holding our son.  I would be lying if I told you that I wasn't a tad bit nervous, the unknown always makes me feel this way.  But then I have to remember the promise I made to myself many years ago on the open road while listening to Keith Urban. 

"These are the days we will remember. These are the times that won't come again...So take 'em by the hand, they're yours and mine. Take 'em by the hand and live your life. Take 'em by the hand don't let 'em all fly by"


This past week Jeff was on vacation.  We knew this would be his last vacation before our lives changed so we made a point to do a bunch of things that may not happen for awhile after Andrew comes.

• ate at Outback with our last Christmas gift card. 
• swam in the pool
• sat outside most evenings and listened to his radio scanner...we were able to pick up his work frequency so I got to hear a bit of the behind the scenes from work
• bought and installed Andrew's car seat.  The first time we drove with it in our car, we both turned our heads slowly to look at his seat before backing out of the driveway and Jeff said, "Well, it's official.  Our life is about to change."
• went to the movies--Inception still has my head spinning
• went to a local hardware store to buy a few batteries.  Jeff likes to support the "little guys" and of course when he declared this I had to laugh and now tease him often.  As we passed a local sno-cone stand I said,  "Let's go support the little guys, Jeff."
• while browsing at Steinmart (I can't wait to buy normal clothes again)  I started to pick out the brightest and most flamboyant outfits for Jeff.  The people shopping next to us gave us the funniest looks but we didn't care.  I wish I had my video camera with me to capture Jeff's running commentary on the outfits.  Priceless!
• went with M & M to take nephew Jacob on a big brother outing to Chuck E Cheese.  While the boys played, Meredith and I sat and talked about the littlest cousins we were about to bring into the world, who are days apart and will grow up to be best friends.  Crazy good times ahead!

Even though things are about to change, Jeff and I both can not wait to welcome the Little Mister into the world. We look forward to celebrating our new family of three and soaking up the newborn days---the good, the bad and the ugly.

I wanted to post a video of Keith Urban's These are the Days video to close this post and when I came across this families video I had to post it here.  I can't wait to take a trip with my boys one day. 

LIttle Things I Don't Want to Forget

The look on Jeff's face yesterday when we finished signing our life away for our new home.  PRICE LESS!

The way Jeff always asks "How's our boy doing?" when he comes home from work.  Or "Is my son behaving himself?" That's Jeff's way of asking if Andrew is kicking me to death.

I love it when Jeff puts his hand on my belly and Andrew kicks him.  Again the look on Jeff's face is priceless.

Fun's coming just around the corner and I am enjoying soaking up as many little things as I can these days.

God is good!
God is faithful!
God's timinig is PERFECT!!

Picking Out His Name

Is it just me or are boy names hard to pick? When Jeff and I started to go through the list of names, the one thing we agreed on is the middle name. If it was a boy, he would be named after Jeff's middle name, Jon. If the baby was a girl, she would have my middle name Gwen. Both of our middle names were passed down from family members and we wanted our children to carry on the same tradition.

The problem we found with the middle name Jon was the first name needed two syllables that sounded good with a one syllable middle name. We also wanted a name that would be a good boy name but also a strong man's name later in life.

There were a few names we wrote down as possibilities but we never could agree on the one we liked the most. Jeff from the very beginning said he wanted to name our son Andrew. I was a bit more hesitant. Andrew is a great name but two of my good friends also have boys named Andrew. I wanted to be original. I wanted to use Jackson at first and call him Jack but Jeff said no. I also suggested Jeffrey (after the baby's daddy) but Jeff said no. He did not want our son to be called junior. So for weeks we were stalled out where the boys name was concerned.

We didn't worry too much because we thought we were having a girl. And if Baby Youngster were a girl, her name would be Maggie Gwen. I was happy. Jeff was happy. No big decision needed to be made there.

Well....

The week before the big sonogram reveal, I started to pray over the name list. I was praying specifically for the boy name. I looked up the meaning of each of the names on our boy list and started to pray for the characteristics of what I hoped our son would have. I prayed for our son to be a leader, strong, a man's man and to love the Lord from an early age. I was starting to lean in one direction after my time in prayer but I kept it to myself because after all, we were having a girl.

Later that week, I was watching the movie The Proposal. The two main characters in the movie are named Margaret and Andrew. I thought that was funny since both our babies names were in that movie. This started me leaning further in the same direction as Jeff.

But what sealed the deal, was this picture on Pottery Barn Kids.


And yes, this is our bedding we will be using in the nursery too! I fell in love with the name right then and there. The night before the big reveal, I stayed awake praying for the next day. As I looked over the name list and the meanings behind the list, I knew that boy or girl we had made the right decision for our child.

The day of the big reveal, I was very calm but something inside me told me it would be a boy. When the sonographer said, "Do you see it?" I said, "Well hello Baby Andrew!" Jeff on the other hand was in shock for about 24 hours but has since fully embraced the idea of having a son. He actually is pretty cute about the whole thing which makes my mama heart soar.

I absolutely love the meaning behind Andrew Jon.

Andrew means manly warrior
Jon means God has given; a gift of God

Oh how I pray that my son , Andrew be a manly, warrior for the Lord. And it seems appropriate that his middle name means gift of God since that is exactly what he is, a gift. Plus it will serve as a nice reminder when our son is getting disciplined and I have to say, "Andrew Jon, come here!" I will remember that this boy is a gift that I waited a long time ... even though he disobeyed, I will still consider him as a blessing! Ha!

And let me state for the record. His name is Andrew. Not AJ and not Andy. His name is Andrew. IF we shorten his name, he will go by Drew since this too is a family name. For now, his name is Andrew. I know I sound crazy clarifying this but a few of my friends have started calling him AJ already and I keep thinking, no his name is ANDREW!

But really, all that is water under the bridge because his Dad still insists on nicknaming him Duke. (A blog post for another day)

18 more weeks until we are holding our son, Andrew Jon. My arms can't wait and my lips are itching to kiss his sweet cheeks!!

Oh, how I love this boy!!!

A Baby Moon...sort of

I am not sure how to jump back into the blog world when I have been gone for so long. I guess I will take a lesson from Mary Poppins when she pops into the chalk worlds and just jump in with both feet.

Here goes nothing...

The month of March has been nuts. Jeff and I celebrated 7 years of marriage and a week later, I was saying goodbye to my sweet Granny B. I will write a post one day just for Granny but today, I'm not ready.

Instead I want to tell you about a little oops of my husband's that turned out to be a tremendous blessing for us both. :)

The only gift I asked for at Christmas was tickets to see Phantom of the Opera. Unfortunately at Christmas the tickets had yet to go on sale which meant Jeff could easily forget this gift, my only major gift (beside Baby Youngster of course). I love my husband dearly but sometimes he is known for putting things off until the last minute. For example, the night before we were to leave town this October for our big road trip, he was booking our rooms at midnight. It worked out beautifully but that is just the way he rolls. I usually don't let this bother me because he has NEVER failed me when it comes to things like this. But friends, I have lived in the DFW area all my life and know how fast tickets to things like Phantom of the Opera can go. I asked him a few random times if he had purchased our tickets yet. "No, but I will." Finally the last weekend of the show came and there was still no mention of tickets. I took matters in to my own hands that morning and thought I would see if I could get lucky and find the last two tickets in the DFW area. I had no luck. Jeff thought he would take a spin at it (because he knew he was going to be in BIG trouble if he failed me now). He found one. He thought this was great. He said, "I will drop you off and wait for you to be done." Ladies, does that sound fun to you? When he told me his plan, I said, "You've got to be kidding me." Nope. He was dead serious. I had already did a little looking on my own for future tours of Phantom of the Opera and saw that it would be playing in Austin in two weeks. I casually mention this to him. I have never seen my husband move so fast. Not only did he buy good tickets but he paid extra for GREAT tickets. We decided this weekend to Austin would be a little Baby moon for just the two of us.

The Monday before we left town my grandmother's funeral was held. By the time Friday rolled around, I was ready to be alone with Jeff. All I wanted to do was get in the car, turn on our favorite road trip tunes and hold Jeff 's hand. It sounds a bit corny but truly, that is what I wanted and needed most. We had a wonderful time soaking up our last road trip before the baby comes. I cried a few random times but mostly I felt a deep peace wash over me. We couldn't have asked for a better weekend. Sadly I came home with a sinus infection and no voice but it was well worth the trip. You can tell from the below picture I was feeling rough that day. Not to mention I mislabeled my shampoo bottle and washed my hair in body wash. I had it dry by the time I realized my mistake. Truly this weekend was a gift from God and a nice way to close out the week, not to mention the weather was PERFECT!

Here is proof of my growing belly @ 20 weeks.

On the way home, we stopped for gas at Willie's Place outside of Hillsboro. It's a fun little gas joint full of Willie Nelson memorabilia. I tried to find a baby onezie but they were out. BOO!

While we were there a trucker stopped me to ask if we were having a boy or a girl. I told him we would find out on Wednesday. He proceeded to tell me that his daughter just called with news that she gave birth to a 13.5 pound baby girl. The lady behind the counter and I both said at the same time, "Ouch!" I am pretty sure it was a C-section but can you imagine lugging that baby around in the final weeks. WOW!

Here is one last picture of the theatre at Willie's Place.

My Closet Runneth Over

I have been so blessed with the generosity of those around me who are passing down their maternity wears to me. My closet runneth over.



The first week after my aunt found out I was having a baby she got three big bags full of clothes from a friend at work. I immediately started to wear the maternity jeans because they were more comfortable than regular ole jeans and I didn't have to undo buttons on the way to the potty. In the stash of clothes was this shirt. It makes me laugh!

And let me take a moment to discuss my hair! Ever since I found out I was preggo, it has grown in volume, not in length. It is the strangest thing. I have gone from volume-i-zing my hair to de-frizzing my hair. I just find it funny that even the texture of my hair has changed in the past 3 months.

Okay, back to the clothes.

My sweet cousin Paige loaned me her maternity wardrobe, two big plastic bins worth. Oh how grateful I am to you, P! I took a picture Saturday night while I was sorting through them because I just enjoyed seeing all the piles of clothes to last me through the whole nine months. Especially in light of the fact that my husband has been known to ask a pregnant friend, "Isn't one pair of pants enough to last the whole pregnancy?" (That was over a year ago and you can bet your bottom dollar I started praying this would not be his philosophy during my pregnancy)



I am grateful to have a closet that runneth over, thanks to the generosity of my aunt and cousin.

You girls ROCK!!!

And Mr. Budget, thanks you too! :)

A Love/Hate Relationship

Since I am using my blog as a means to document this new chapter of our lives, I feel it only necessary to discuss the one thing that sums up my life right now.

Oh the joys of morning sickness...

Morning sickness and I have a love/hate relationship.

I love that I am sick since that is something I prayed I would be able to experience. I hate that the "sick" feeling lasts all day long.

I love that I work at home so that I can "get sick" in the privacy of my own home. I hate that when I drive my car these days, I have to carry a bag with me for those moments I can't pull over.

I love knowing that the Little Youngster is healthy but am looking forward to the day where I can keep food down for more than 5 minutes.

This week I start my 11Th week. I am praying that there will be light at the end of the tunnel soon. Yet at the same time, I am thankful that I am finally able to experience the joys of pregnancy. Even if it means the porcelain throne is my home away from home.

Many of my friends have given me some great tips on things that helped them. I have tried them all but none seem to work as well as what I found last night.

I found a box of these cookies at my in law's house and helped myself to a few. They are delicious and do the trick. Of course, I should have known that the Youngster would love cookies. Baby's Daddy is a huge fan of sweet treats too!

And on a bit of a side note, I want to say something to those of you who wish you could experience morning sickness but haven't had a chance. I still have many friends in my life who are praying for a baby. I always hated when people would complain about their pregnancy woes because I would think "Really? You are going to complain when you have all that you have ever wanted, a baby." I would have given nothing to be in their shoes. In fact, I wouldn't trade this part of my journey with anyone because it just means that God has heard my cried and blessed us. I am truly thankful for this opportunity but for the sake of documenting my journey, keep it real as well.

Yesterday in church we sang one of my all time favorite songs, I Stand In Awe of You. Needless to say, I cried like a baby as I thought about all the ways I stand in awe of God in this season of my life. There have been many prayers answered in all areas of my life and I can only give God the glory. I hope that as I continue to document our baby journey, even the not so fun parts, that you will hang with me. My goal is to give God the glory every step of the way yet keep it real for my own memory sake.

And one last thing about morning sickness.

I love that I have lost 10 pounds since I have been pregnant, courtesy of my trips to the porcelain throne.

The Day We Found Out...

On the day we found out, Jeff started singing our new theme song. I laugh out loud every time I think of him laying in bed singing, "One day at a time...SWEET JESUS!" And let's face it, I am little in awe that he knew the words to this little ditty. Can we say old school?



He then was watching his "girlfriend's" Christmas special when she sang one of my favorite Christmas songs. As this song was being sung, he kept saying, "So true, so true! mmm, mmm, sing it Faith."

The song? Well, watch the video by clicking here

I swear this man keeps me rolling! I couldn't be more thankful to be able to walk this journey with him. He keeps me laughing--that's for sure.

And for those of you wanting a "belly shot", here I am at 7 weeks. In this picture, I refer to the belly bump as my Clomid bump since it has been super hard to lose that little added fluff that was added two years ago. Oh well, it was all part of the process that led me here today. Even though for me, Clomid was a big waste of time and did nothing to aid. (sorry I will stop before I get on a soapbox) I still can't believe that God finally opened my womb even when doctors said it wouldn't happen without medical intervention. Still amazes me...oh right, no soapbox, here's the picture.




To God be the glory, great things He hath done

The Post That I Have Been Praying to Get to Write

Sunday, December 13Th God answered a huge prayer for Jeff and I. After 4 Years of trying for a child, I finally got my positive plus sign. Sit back, relax and enjoy reading the post I have been praying I would be able to write for many years.

Not sure where to begin because how can I possibly put into word's all that God has done in our lives over the past few weeks. I guess I should start with the week before Thanksgiving. My grandmother was very ill and we thought she was going to die at any moment. I am happy to report that she is still with us and doing much better. The night after I spent the day at the hospital, I went home and pleaded with God to allow me the chance to tell her I was pregnant one day. This thought went with me everywhere. I wanted desperately to share with her the news that God had finally answered our prayers. I remember at one point, bowing on my knees and telling God that I would be happy with whatever the outcome because I knew He was fully in control. I knew from that point forward whatever happened God was sovereign and that He would give me peace to walk whatever road He has laid out for me.

Fast forward to December 7Th and still nothing (if you know what I mean) I was officially 2 days late at this point. Yet I was trying to put it completely out of my mind and soak up the holiday season. December 12Th comes around and I am officially over a week late. That Saturday night, I decided to let Jeff know what was going on. He had been my biggest support of the last four years so I didn't want anyone to know but him. We decided that Sunday would be the big day to take the test. That night we were talking about the what ifs and at one point Jeff said, "If you are pregnant it will be an absolute miracle." And I responded back saying, "If I am not pregnant then there is something terribly wrong with my body because I have never been more than 3 days late." I went to bed that night praying for God to give me peace with whatever the outcome.

4:30 a.m December 13Th--I woke up from a deep sleep and felt the Lord was calling me to take a test. Somehow at that point I knew I was about to get the best Christmas present ever. I did what I needed to do and took the test out into the living room to wait for the results by the glow of the Christmas tree.

PREGNANT!

I knelled on the floor next to our tree, covered my mouth and said a silent prayer of thanks to God for finally giving me a positive plus sign. Here is a picture of my journal entry from that day.

An hour later, I went in and woke a sleeping Jeff with the wonderful news. I still laugh remembering the state of shock he walked around in the rest of that day.

The thing that most of my family and friends have been surprised that I actually waited to share the news. There was many times that I wanted to call everyone I knew to tell them right away but I really wanted the memory of sharing with our families on Christmas Day. And can you blame me? I think after four years of negatives and tears I should be allowed this bit of joy.

But there was one person I rushed to tell, my grandmother.

One of the greatest joys so far is seeing her face when I told her the news. At first she thought I was lying. I swore to her that this time, it's for real and then she started to cry. I cried because I still couldn't believe that God would allow me this chance to share this news with her. She said, "I thought God stopped listening to me years ago but now I see that He has not."

To God be the glory!

I promise to start blogging again and share our journey with you.

Thank you to all of you who have been faithful prayer warriors for us. We have been blessed with friends like you who stick by us through thick and thin.

More of the story coming soon so stay tuned.