Waving My White Flag

I have been working on a little ditty called surrender. Oh man, it hasn't been easy but it something that has to be done. I must surrender to the LORD'S PLAN FOR MY LIFE AND NOT SUSAN'S PLAN.

A friend asked me almost a year ago, "What will you do if you never have children?" In my head I thought to myself "Whatever, it will never happen. We will have children." Out loud I said, "Move ahead with joy, I guess, because I will not be a bitter, barren woman." And we laughed at the thought of me becoming bitter and the word barren. Yet, it has been my biggest fear thus far in my life. Bitter and Barren are strange words to me.

Hang with me please.

By no means are you to read this post and think Jeff and I are giving up on children. But I must tell you this in order to get you to the point I am trying to make. Sometimes life does not turn out the way we choose. If Jeff and I had our way, we would be spending this summer decorating our new home with hopefully a little one on the way. None of these things have happened though, so we are learning to move ahead.

Questions I find myself working through...Does it mean that God is not there because the Clomid didn't work? NO! Does it mean that He cares for us any less because we are still in a holding pattern? NO! God has shown us over and over that His hand is guiding us every step of the way. Over the past three years, Jeff and I have grown closer in our marriage and both of us would say that our quiet times have been sweeter because of the waiting period. To God be the glory great things He hath done.

But let me tell you about what God is doing in my heart, today. One, I am realizing that I don't need to plan the next detail or sit wondering about the what ifs, I can live fully even if the wait seems long (or if the wait goes on forever). I have found that I am more relaxed because I am not allowing the hope of a house or baby to be my ultimate joy. My ultimate joy is living in the moment, serving God fully and giving Him the reigns for every aspect of my life. I know one day I am going to look back on this season and shed a few happy tears. I can look back even now and shed a few happy tears because of all that God has done in our hearts. Again, to God be the glory great things He hath done.

Is it easy to let go? Hell, no! (Sorry I just had to say it with that amount of force.) But has it been rewarding? Hell, YEA it has! (Sorry, last time I say it like that, promise)

And to make this post even more hippity-hoppity-all over the place. When I was in high school, I was introduced to Rich Mullins music. I heart me some Rich Mullin's tunes.

One song, above all has stuck with me to this day. It's call Hold Me Jesus. There is one line that I have chewed on many times in recent weeks, it so describes what I am going through.

Surrender don't come natural to me

I'd rather fight You for something I don't really want

Than to take what You give that I need

And I've beat my head against so many walls

Now I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees

Last night I did something I have been meaning to do for sometime now. I went to my home Church's prayer garden. There is a section of open field where three crosses stand in the sun. I grabbed my camera so I could document this journey. Last night, before the sun went down, I sat at the cross and sang, "I Surrender All." I didn't really care if anyone heard me or saw me worshipping there. It wasn't about how I looked or sounded, it was what was going on inside my heart that really mattered.

When all was said and done, I left that garden a changed woman. I fully surrender to the Lord's plan for my life. Kids or no kids. House or no house. I rest in His plans for me. It feels good but strange at the same time. I was quite comfortable carrying that burden around with me these past few years. But not anymore, I am freed from the need to do things my own way. God, you are fully in control with whatever this life leads.








All to Jesus, I surrender. All to Him I freely give. I will ever love and trust Him, in His presence daily live. I surrender all. I surrender all. All to thee my blessed Savior, I surrender all.

Jeff rewarded me with a bowl of ice cream and Reese's magic shell for getting through my testimony without crying. Actually, I teared up a few times but I never went to the ugly cry. Apparently I have some very good friends at church who told him that I deserved my bowl of ice cream, so we stopped on the way home from small group to get the goods. Isn't he a great man?!? Thanks friends for helping a chick out!

This week's goals are simple. One word says it all. RELAX!

Already I am off to a good start with the rain and a massage from a friend. Life is going at a much slower pace and for this I am very, very grateful.

I will be back in a few to tell you guys of the latest happenings in the Young household.

For Today: November, 17 2008

Outside my window... the trees are red, orange and a bit of green. Love it!

I am thinking... about how to balance my to do list this week.

I am thankful for... the baby bird that just sat on my window. I wish I had my camera ready to snap the photo.

From the kitchen...today I am making homemade lasagna, hubs favorite.

I am wearing...my flannel pajama pants since my boss called needing something done before I had a chance to get dressed. Ah, the joys of working at home on a Monday.

I am creating...digital ads for work and looking forward to getting time to catch up on a few scrapbook pages this week.

I am going...to savor the holiday season and not allow myself to get bogged down with all the frenzy.

I am (frantically) reading... Idols of The Heart by Elyse Fitzpatrick for book club tonight. 4 more chapters to go!

I am hoping...for a call telling us our house is ready to move in.

I am hearing... the cars drive by on the street outside and the hum of my computer. The house is pretty quiet right now and I am thankful.

Around the house...thanks to Flylady, I will be cleaning the cobwebs from the ceilings, clearing off a shelf in my closet and throwing a way 27 things that I don't use anymore.

One of my favorite things... the past few nights I have been brewing a cup of decaf hazelnut coffee and watching old reruns of the Cosby Show in my favorite chair. I admit I am a sucker for a good cup of joe and TV land reruns.

A few plans for the rest of the week: book club tonight, dinner with Margaret Tuesday to discuss the women's retreat, lunch with a friend on Wednesday, eye doctor on Thursday and scrap booking on Friday.

Here is picture thought I am sharing...

Thanksgiving 2002- Faith's first time to jump into the leaf pile at Nanny Betty's house.

For More Simple Woman's Day books, head over to Peggy's Blog http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

The Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY, October 27, 2008...

Outside my window... the trees are changing colors and the squirrels are running up, down and all around the trees.

I am thinking... that I need to make a to do list to keep me from getting sidetracked.

I am thankful for... the peace that passes all understanding and the joy that flows through me during this waiting period.

From the kitchen... I making cupcakes to celebrate Granny B's 75th birthday on Thursday.

Tonight - I am going to eat hamburgers and organize a few things left undone at my grandparents.

I am wearing... corduroy and a long sleeve thermal shirt.

I am creating... order around my house. This week I am cleaning the living room along with Flylady.

I am going... to take one day at a time and not worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will take care of itself.

I am reading...Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahaney. A very good book for every woman to read.

I am hoping... that we buy a house soon because I am inching to put my decorative stamp on something other than this humble little apartment. And yet, I am enjoying the contentment that comes from knowing God has the perfect house set aside just for us and one day soon we will find it.

I am hearing... The Eagles sing "Take It Easy" on the radio.

Around the house... I am going to buy new fall candles to put around my house. I love the Citrus and Sage scent that I bought during the summer but want a more fall scent for this new season.

One of my favorite things... is my crock pot. The smell of food cooking all day and knowing that dinner is already made makes me very happy.

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week:

I have a few end of the month reports for work that need to be done on Friday. Jeff and I are having dinner with our pastor and his wife. I am celebrating Granny's birthday on Thursday and trick or treating on Friday.

Here is a picture thought I am sharing...
A photo from my favorite pumpkin patch in town.

Visit Peggy at The Simple Woman for more Simple day books.

Trying Something New

Hey Friends and Family and Blogland Readers-

Starting this weekend, I am doing something new. I am turning off the computer starting Friday at 6:00 pm and won't turn it on again until Monday at 9:00 am. I am telling you all this since many of you I talk to on a daily basis via email. Please feel free to call my cell phone or house phone during the weekend, I am just a phone call away. But I won't have access to the email on the weekends so if you need me, ring the tellie!

To some of you this may sound a bit over the top but like I think I have mentioned before I am trying to find balance in my daily life; letting go of the computer on the weekend is one of the ways I hope to obtain a bit of peace.

So with that being said, have a great weekend and I will catch you on the flip side.

Pray for me, letting go of the computer is like telling the crackhead to give up the good stuff cold turkey! No not really that bad, I just typed the first thing that popped into my head. LOL!

Maybe the next habit I need to break is thinking before I type or speak.

Slow down Susan, take it one habit at a time, don't get all carried away now.

Have a great weekend!

I Love the My Early Morning Walks

Yesterday on my morning run, I brought along my small camera so you could meet a few of my running buddies. Say hello to all my little friends.

This duck was playing a game of hide and seek with me. I won.


This duck was splashing in the puddle, unfortunatley my small camera is very slow so you only get to see him walking off after he finished.


I like to think that these two ducks are my cheering squad. They stand at the road and cheer me on when I start running, "Go Susan Go!"


There is also a small family that I had the pleasure of walking cross the road in a single file line today. Unfortunatley my small camera was at the house so I didn't get a picture.

And now I am off to eat a slice of Jeff's chocolate fudge birthday cake. One of the benefits of running is you can have a slice of cake and not feel guilty for it. Now two or three slices is a whole other story. :)

Why I Have A Routine

Last night, I decided that I would go one night without straightening our apartment.
I went to bed at 11:30 but was up between the hours of 3-5.
I think I suffer from insomnia.
I skipped my daily run with Jeff and slept in.
Around 10 this morning my phone started to ring off the wall.
I was still in bed.
I jumped up to answer it all business like "This Is Susan, how can I help you?"
It was one of my co-workers...they were coming over in an hour to pick up a few pictures for one of our stores.

CRAP!!!

In the middle of showering, brushing my teeth and throwing my apartment in some sort of order I realized this is why I try to stick to a night and morning routine.

It never fails, the day or night I slack off is the day that every single one of my co-workers has to drop by with hardly any notice.


Nightly Routine:
Clean Kitchen
Start Dishwasher
Clean off Desk, Couch and Pick up misc items around the living room.
Wipe down bathroom sink, put a load of dirty clothes in washer to start in morning.
Hang up clothes in bedroom and clear off any clutter spots.
Brush teeth, wash face, quiet time.

Morning Routine:
Workout
Eat Breakfast
Unload Dishwasher
Start Laundry
Shower and Dress (sometimes make up and hair, most days I go all natural)
Drink Cup of Coffee while reading email and blogs
Start work

By doing these few things at night and in the morning, it eliminates the running around trying to collect myself when co-workers stop by.

I guess it is what I can expect when my office is inside my living room a few feet from our kitchen.

The Brain

If you have been a reader of the blog for any length of time, you may have realized that I love to organize. A friend and I were recently talking about all things organizing and while we were talking, she started to laugh. "What! Do I have something on my face?!" "No!, you big dork! But you sure are animated right now talking about this." I think the topic was post it notes and something about how good they smell. I know, call me crazy.

The reason I love to be organized is because it helps keep this otherwise chaotic personality with a mild case of A.D.D stream lined and at peace. Which brings me to my latest organizing project.

The other day I was cleaning my kitchen and realized that we had lots of papers laying around with no home. As I started to sort through them I realized that I would need to find a safe place because these are papers that I always refer back to. You know how it is, the latest invitation, take out menus, phone numbers for people at church, new recipes I would like to try, etc.

Flylady encourages keeping a control journal for stuff like this. Simplify 101 sells a command central binder. And really both of these websites are great assets for those of you looking for a place to start to organize your family. I think the world of both of these ladies but I wanted something that tailored to Jeff and my needs, since for now it is just the two of us.

Last night I was reading yet another one of my favorite organizing blogs and came across this post. Needless to say, I was inspired. And took her idea and ran with it.

Instead of a file box, I used one of the many 3-ring binders that I have laying around. (That's not a joke, I have a stash of binders literally just hanging around). The reason for the binder is because it is not a bulky as the file box and helps saves space in my pint-size kitchen. I then took a few of my favorite dividers in all the world. (I also keep these hanging around.) And the reason I chose these dividers is because they are durable and have pockets on either side.

My tabs were as follows: bills to pay, upcoming events, church directory, grocery list, gift ideas, recipes to try.

One of the suggestions that the organizing lady had was to make a file for each of the family members. If you have multiple kids, I think this is a great idea. This way you can keep the notes from teachers, school activities to sign off on, sports schedules all in one place.

The only problem that I see with this binder system is to stay on top of keeping it current and not keep as a catch all. I already know that Jeff will be my biggest challenge in getting on board because, well, let's just say, he is not as passionate as I tend to be in the clearing the paper clutter department.

Oh and one quick side note: A friend of mine(the friend that I often talk about on the blog but likes to remain nameless) has 3 magnetic file boxes (1 for each kid) on the side of her fridge. Each of the kids have their name on them and they know to put all paperwork that mom and dad will need to sign off on there. She also has, above these boxes a magnetic calendar so she can stay on top of all the family activities. I am pretty sure that this works for her, right Ali-son!!! (oops, said your name!) And trust me, she is always going, going, going!

Hopefully these ideas will help you! If you get on board with any of these tips then please let me know. I am curious to see if they work for people with more than 2 people present. Hee! Hee!

Simplifying My Life One Topic At A Time

It's no secret that I love order. I like everything to have it's place and a place for everything. If I don't have a place for everything I get rid of it.

I recently realized though that my need to have order comes from a direct result from the events that took place between 1994-2000, when my life was very hectic and very much out of my control. Someday I will share this with you but those years aren't really the subject of this post.

The point is, I am working on a few things in order to simplify my life. Oh and before I forget, let me give a shout out to Marcia, the author of "Simplify Your Life" and "Simplify Your Time." I started reading her book in Barnes and Noble every Friday night when Jeff and I would go there to catch up on our reading. Who knew that one day she would have lunch with my mom and attend the same church where my mom and brother work? In the meantime, she has blessed me with a copy of her books so that I can read in my own home at my own pace. And one day soon, if we can coordinate our calendars we plan to have coffee or something to get to know each other better.

But again, Marcia is not the reason for this post. I just felt like I couldn't tell you about my simplifying without telling you about the person who has inspired me to do so.

Topic #1

The Blog. Who here has been overtaken by the blog? I know I have. I created a gmail account separate from my personal account. I also signed up with a thing called Google reader. Google Reader is a lot like bloglines, where you can subscribe to certain sights and they will notify you when a new post has been added to that blog. Before I just stored all my favorite blogs in a favorites folder on the Internet and clicked through each one at random times throughout the day to see if anyone had posted something new. Talk about a joy kill when everyone but you is taking a break from blogland. Plus not to mention the time that was wasted clicking through every single blog of mine. So...Google Reader is a must have for me.

I signed up, picked out my all time favorites, like family and friends. Then picked out my blogs who I consider friends but never have met. Then I deleted the favorite blogs from my favorites so that I would break the habit of clicking through every blog. I click on Google reader once a day. At the same time, I look to see if anyone has left a comment on my blog at gmail, since now my blog comments go to my gmail account rather than my personal email. It takes a big ole helping of self-control but I know that once I break this habit my life will be so much more balanced.

And that after all is the key to a well rounded life is in my opinion, balance.

So friends if you are looking for a good book to get your life in order so that things can be simple than check out Marcia's book. It is a must read for new mothers especially. You will be glad you did!

If you have ways that you keep the blog from overtaking you I would love to hear them!